Middle Aged Wrestling From Newbridge, New Jersey

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Middle Aged Wrestling From Newbridge, New Jersey

Post by Puns » Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:18 pm

Breaking news from Newbridge, New Jersey! Middle Aged Wrestling is COMING SOON!

Posts: 101
Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2018 7:52 pm

Re: Middle Aged Wrestling From Newbridge, New Jersey

Post by Puns » Mon Apr 23, 2018 12:05 pm

“Yeh, I met these two shady guys who said they want in,” said Royden Ziegler III in the Phillyest of accents. “They’re REAL shady,” he added. “The big one said he killed a guy, and I believe him.”

Zachary Brimstead, Esquire rubbed his triple chins and nodded. “Mmmmm, they sound like winners to me!”he said, nodding. “I’m hungry. Let’s go get some food at the Fudge Tub.” Zachary Brinstead, Esquire’s massive stomach groaned for several seconds straight with massive hunger pangs. “See? I haven’t eaten in 20 minutes.”

“I ain’t hungry,” said Royden Ziegler III, also known as Philly Boy Roy. “We gotta figure out this roster situation, you can stuff your fat face after. Now, who do we got so far? If we are gonna start up a wrestling company and make big bucks like you said, we gotta have a group of bad mother F’ers people are gonna wanna come see fight. I got us the two big S-stompers from, uh...I think they mighta said Turkey or Greece, but I ain’t sure.”

“Ohhhh, I love turkey,” ZB. “And I love grease.”

Philly Boy Roy sighed. “We got the Gorch too. And Hammerhead. And I talked Roy Jr into it too. He loves to kick ass, just like his old man. We’re gonna be a team without a doubt. What should our team name be?”

ZB didn’t respond, and had a distant look in his eyes. Roy slapped him in his bulbous face. “What was that for!?” ZB cried. “You ain’t listenin’!” Roy yelled. “I was thinking about turkey,” Zachary Brimstead, Esquire admitted. “And grease. I’m so hungry!” He rubbed his cheek. “That’s going to leave a mark, you jerk,” he whined.

“We just gotta get a couple more guys who are stupid enough to step in the ring with me and Roy Jr. There ain’t no way, no way in Hades, that me and Roy Jr are ever, and when I say ever, I mean EVER! gonna lose no wrestling match. With you running the company, you can set whatever rules you want. That means you can make it so we ain’t never gonna lose. Not that we need you to help us or nothin’, but just in case we fight some big bastards or somethin’ you could just give us an edge. Like Roy and me can carry just one knife each to the ring or sometthin’ like that.”

“Oh I love the sound of that. Henceforth, the only knives that will be allowed in our wrestling company will be yours and Roy Jr’s knives. It is so.” He rapped and imaginary gavel on the table as he spoke.

“Hows about the Gorch can bring his chain? You know he’s gonna bring it anyways,” Roy said.

ZB rapped the fake gavel on the table again and said “it is so” again. “Gorch can use his chain and his pipe.”

“What are we gonna call the company? Yous gotta come up with somethin’ catchy. Something that’s gonna make the people wanna come out and see it. What about Philly Boy Roy Wrestlin’?”

ZB shook his head. “I already have the name trademarked and copywritten. It’s going to be ‘Zachary Brimstead, Esquire presents: Middle Aged Wrestling From Newbridge, New Jersey.’”

Roy facepalmed. “That’s a dumb, stupid, idiot long name. Why would you trademark that?”

“I copywrote that bastard too, don’t forget,” ZB gloated. “It celebrates several things that are very important to me. First off, the world’s greatest love maker and greatest barbershop singer of all time, ME. Second, the greatest place on Beelzebub’s green earth, Newbridge, of course. Thirdly, we aren’t going to have a bunch of young, bodybuilding jacked up steroid guys in MY company. This is for middle aged guys who just wanna fight.”

“And Roy Jr. He ain’t no middle aged guy. He just wantsta kick some ass next to his old man,” he said. “And now we’re finally gonna get paid for it. And The Gorch. He’s older than dirt. He ain’t middle aged neither.”

“Zachary Brimstead, Esquire presents: Middle Aged Wrestling From Newbridge, New Jersey is still the best name in the history of names. Even if Roy Jr and The Gorch aren’t middle aged.”

Roy shook his head. He went to protest again but thought better of it. “Ain’t you got some more people to fill out the list a people whose butts me an Roy Jr are gonna kick? What about nem gay guys from that last wrestlin’ company we was in? Or that other company we was in? LBDW or somethin’? Come ta think of it, every wrestlin’ company we been joinin’ shuts down like immediately after we join. Think there’s somethin’ to that?”

“Oh absolutely not, answered Zachary brimstead, Esquire. “We are going to draw in the ladies in droves. They’re not going to be able to resist coming to see moi, especially because I’m finally in charge and we’re doing it in Newbridge. I’m like a king here. No, wait, maybe I’m more like a god.” He thought for a moment. “No, I AM god here. The ladies know, thanks to my prowess as a love maker. They’ll show up to worship at my feet. Especially now that I have millions and millions and millions of dollars thanks to my super smash number one barbershop hit rendition of “I just want to make love to you. Now I’m not just the greatest barbershop singer of all time, the greatest love maker of all time, but I’m also filthy stinking disgustingly rich. It’s time to put all those money to good use!”

Zachary Brimstead, Esquire’s cell phone rang, playing his number one smash hit barbershop rendition of “I just want to make love to you.” “Ooooh, it’s Sheila Larson!”

“Ewwwwww! Don’t answer it. She only wants one thing, and everybody it town has given it to her.”

“I don’t care!” ZB replies. He answered the call. “Mmmm, Sheila. I guess you want to meet up again, hm? Yes, O can be there in 10 minutes.” He giggled. “Oh stop, you’re going to make me blush. Why yes, I’m still a millionaire. Oh I love it when you talk dirty to me. Oh god yes. I’ll see you in a few!” He got up and walked as quickly as a 507 pound man can walk. He turned back and said “I’ll see you in about four or five hours, after all the sweet, passionate love I’m about to make all over Sheila Larson on all my piles of cash.”

Roy shook his head. “Idiot,” he said to himself.

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